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The Problem I Have with Dating in Midlife

I read an article on Medium yesterday about dating in your 50's called My Problem with First Dates and Fifty-Something-Year-Old Men.

This reminded me of the few dating months I experienced years ago.

I dated 5 men starting about 6 months after my divorce was official.  I dated for about 8 months or so then stopped - cold turkey style.

That was 5 years ago.  Since then I've had NO INTEREST in dating or meeting anyone new at all.  That includes female friendships.

When I made this decision I felt selfish.  I wanted life for a while to be all about ME.  Is that so bad?

I wanted to explore who I am.  Taking off from about 21 years of age when I was last officially single and see who the hell I was then, for the last 30+ years and who I want to be.

This was around the same time I started my simple living journey.

I just wanted life for me to be simple for a while.  I needed to be only in my head; I couldn't have anyone else cloud who I was or what I thought.

There's also mending to be done in my current relationships with my kids and loved ones.  To start a new relationship would take from those I already care for.

Back to the article.

Reading it made me uncomfortable.  I really, really dislike first dates or any type of meetings at all.  I'm a deeply rooted introvert.  I dislike chit chat and really feel the need to flee when I have to speak in front of people, even one on one.  (The only time this doesn't seem to happen is when I'm hiking or outdoors.  I read introverts can turn extrovert when they speak about their passions.)

The article also reminded me that I'm not ready for new relationships.  I've come a long way in knowing who I am but I'm not ready to give anyone my attention just yet, that wouldn't be fair to him.  I'd probably be a hesitant and a little wishy washy.  And ultimately may even hate the poor guy for invading my space.




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Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 19, 2020 at 5:48 PM

    I haven’t yet read the article you referred to, but I am going to do that right now! I so feel your vibe. I feel the same. Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Allison February 20, 2020 at 6:37 AM

      For sure. The article is a great glimpse of dating at midlife, we're no longer 20 something and have way more to lose.

      Delete

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